I was diagnosed with Celiac Disease in December 2017 so it's been quite a bit over a year but I still really wanted to talk about where I am mentally now that I've been living with celiac for over a year and a year of no accidental glutenings.
I was actually pretty happy when I first got the news. I finally knew what was wrong with me. I finally knew why I was in pain. And I knew how to make it stop. I actually cried of happiness in the car on the way home. The clouds were parting and I could make the pain stop.
Then I started the process of treatment. The only treatment for Celiac is to eat 100% gluten-free. Just 10 parts of gluten in million is enough to make my white blood cells attack my healthy organs.
It was a heavy blow when I learned after how much gluten is in just about everything but raw fruits and veggies and meat. Cross-contamination makes it near impossible for me to eat out. And if I do it's full of stress and fear.
I was ok at first. Then I started crying at pizza commercials and breaking down when I had to make dinner instead of just eating out or getting a freezer pizza. I have to cook everything and it has been exhausting.
I live in a small town so my options are a bit limited. My grocery store has one freezer cube for GF and after 2 feet of shelves and that's it.
When the relief of symptoms cleared and I wasn't in pain my depression came back swinging. I was at my lowest I'd been in years. I was crying every day. I had to go online to the Celiac subreddit to get them to talk me down for ordering Pizza.
The crying and cooking and dredging the cooking and missing all the food was draining. I was exhausted. Which made me cry more. I was tired 27/7. No matter how long I slept I was still tired. More crying.
Around this time I started going to my doctor once a month to get my allergies under control because I couldn't breathe with my inhaler. When I broke down crying in the office we choose an anti-depressant that we thought would be best for me.
It's really helped. I've honestly needed them since I was 14 and it feels good to be getting a handle on my depression.
I'm in a better place mentally but I'm still upset that I can't have anything by thin-crust pizza or a doughnut or any fast food. I have to pack cheerios and a peanut butter sandwich when I leave the house because I can't eat anything.
When my dad was in the hospital earlier this year all I could eat was chips and candy from the vending machine.
After a year I'm finally getting used to reading everything and it isn't as much as a weight on me. It doesn't bother me too much anymore. My meds have helped with my insomnia and sleepiness so cooking for myself isn't so much of a weight either. I'm still a bit lazy about it and don't eat like a should. That's something I'm aiming to fix in the seconded half of 2019. I have so many habits to take in my Bullet Journal I've just made. (Post coming soon!)
It's an uphill climb but I'm doing better every day. I still miss real pizza and it does make me sad but I feel better and that's nice. That being said, I'd become Dexter in a heartbeat to eat gluten again. I'd trade Celiac for a peanut allergy in a heartbeat too. Seriously you still have to read but peanuts are marked clearer and aren't in almost everything like gluten is.
I'd say a shellfish allergy too but I already have that apparently. Really love allergy tests now.
Anyway, I just I'm sad about being a celiac. I realized in this last year my favourite food was gluten. I miss it every day. But there are new GF things coming out every day and my stories here keep getting new stuff which is awesome. Tho they've been out of white bread from all brands for weeks and I'm getting pissed.
Back on track, I have good days and bad. It's been hard to adjust and I'm still adjusting and learning every day. But it is getting easier.
Thanks so much for reading this post! I hope you enjoyed it! Please leave a like if you did, it's much appreciated!
Photo Credit: Photo taken by me with a Canon EOS Rebel T5 with an 18-55mm lens and edited by me in Photoshop.
**This post was not sponsored**